IF RESTAURANTS FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT:


      Patron: Waiter!

      Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support Waiter. What 
                   seems to be the problem?

      Patron: There's a fly in my soup! 

      Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. 

      Patron: No, it's still there. 

      Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it 
                   with a fork instead.

      Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. 

      Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind 
                   of bowl are you using?

      Patron: A SOUP bowl!

      Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration 
                   problem;  how was the bowl set up?

      Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with 
                   the fly in my soup?

      Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed 
                    the fly in your soup?

      Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! 

      Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? 

      Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day? 

      Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. 

      Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now? 

      Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato. 

      Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running 
                   late now.

      [Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.] 

      Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check. 

      Patron: This is potato soup. 

      Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet. 

      Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything. 

      [Waiter leaves.]

      Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup! 

            ----------
            The check:

       Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00 

       Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50 

       Access to support . . . . . . . . . . $10.00 

  Editors Note:
       Bug in the soup . . . . included at no extra charge 
       (will be fixed with Tomorrow's soup of the day)